Children?

I've been working at the school for about 2 months now, and so far so good. Despite what the sarcasm of my previous post may have implied, I actually like my job. Working with children is a new experience for me. I have taught adults and teenagers, but this is the first time I have ever worked with kids this young. I teach 6 year olds, first graders. After a few months, I have gotten to know them a bit and begin to appreciate them as little people. It is amazing how adult they can be, even as young as they are. You can already tell which ones are going to be popular, which ones are going to be the lame-Os. Some little girls are already quite catty with each other, some boys are clearly going to be jocks. You have the artsy kids, the class clowns, the nice guys, etc...

Working in my school you see some sad cases too. I work the in the neighborhood with the highest illiteracy rate in the city and famous for having lot of marginal groups such as gypsies. It is a low income area and you see some extremely bad cases of poor parenting. One boy has 4 brothers, each one of a different father. One kid had complained about a toothache for weeks but his mother didn't feel like taking him to the dentist. A little kid came in with a weird case of a chicken pocks that affects only the inside of the mouth, parents just left him there crying all day. There are children that seem quite psychologically scarred as well. One little girl came in after christmas with a phobia of being left without an adult; she was fine in the fall, but now she even clings to the teachers even in the playground. Or the boy who poops his pants several times a day; the school counselor has been working with him. One kid is a compulsive liar; denying things as you watch him do them.

It has been nice to see that most of the kids have taken a liking to me as well. I am not super gregarious, I am mostly pretty quiet; but I do tend to treat them nicely and consistently. It is kind of fun to hear a chorus of high pitched spanish accents saying "hello Ryan!" in unison as you come in the room. Other things are cute the first few times but gets old after a while, like having to to give high fives to everyone or being clobbered by 4 or 5 kids who run up from their desks to hug me.

Today I was told "I love you" by an ecstatic little girl clutching at my arm. I thought, "aww." But then later on I was told something similar that left me quite disturbed. In a different class, a girl told me "so and so likes you!" I didn't think anything of it, as kids do that sort of thing to each other and have crushes on their teachers. But the girl kept taunting her classmate and then said that "so and so wants you to do-" and proceeded to say something so obscene that I just stood there dumbfounded. Now, I dont even think that she knew exactly what she was saying, because she got the... genitalia wrong, but still, I dont even want to know where she learned it. Also, I'm supposed to act like I don't understand spanish, and my act has become so second nature, that I don't even react when I am told something shocking like that. In retrospect, if I am ever told something like that again, I am telling their teacher immediately. God forbid that someone overhear the girl wrong, rumors get started, and I get accused of inappropriate behavior.

Children, children, children.... complicated little people.

All play and no work

Apparently, children are the future of the world. Let me tell you, the future is in trouble. I've been working with my First Grade classes for about a month now and I can assure you: If global warming doesn't send herds of angry polar bears our way to kill us, these children will first.


They look cute eh? Just mulling around the classroom, doing their work, fingerpainting and whatsnot. Right? Wrong. These kids suck at fingerpainting. Maybe it is because they spend all their time trying to plan world domination. I mean, these kids are real degenerates. Look what they did to the poster of the kitty hanging in their class:

It is the kind of thing they find when they go into the psychopath's basement... 36 editions of Catcher in the Rye, a box full of hair, prophetic messages written on the wall in poop... and a picture of a kitten with thumbtacks in the eyes.


Yes, these kids are too busy coming up with violence to really do anything useful. Just take a look at their art (click each for a larger view):

I asked the little girl who drew this for an explanation. Apparently it is an elephant. An elephant? Are those ears or wings? Is that a trunk or a carrot? And why in the world does this elephant have two flower antennas sprouting out of his head? It seems that he is flying over the mountains. Either that or he is falling onto some jagged spikes. Sick children. Sick.


Next we have a picture of a house with a rainbow. Or something. Take a look at that rainbow though. Jagged little bugger, isn't it? None of the beauty and grace of usual rainbows. No, this looks like the house is fiery with static electricity. Or the house is getting sucked into some inter-dimensional portal. Or it is glowing from a nuclear fallout. Go ahead little boy, ruin the rainbows. Is nothing sacred?


Apparently this is... an acorn. In formal schoolwear. Looking greedily at whatever is hanging in the corner; what is that? A lightbulb? Someone's uvula? And what is the pink thing? I have no idea. Seriously kid, spend less time fantasizing about anthropomorphic nuts and more time practicing your drawing.


The kids thought it was great when I showed up wearing my cap. Apparently, it was the greatest thing that had ever happened to them since they discovered the tangy flavor of paste.


Here is another one of the culprits. He stole my cap. Right off my head. That is the way it is with children. First they steal your heart, then they steal your hats. Take a close look at him. Remember that face, it will one day be on a "Wanted" poster.


Yeah, yeah. They look cute. I know. But don't look deeply into their eyes. They want to eat your soul.

top 30 albums of my life

The man, the god, the legend, Brian Heiss made a list of top 25 albums of his life. These are the albums that have marked me. I couldn't whittle them down from 30. They are in, more or less, chronological order starting from about 6th Grade until this year, the time I really started getting into Pop music. They aren't the best albums I own, or even my favorites. But they are an honest representation of what has played a big part of my musical life throughout time. If I made a list of favorite albums, it would be different, though many artists and albums would undoubtedly overlap.

1) Greatest hits, Simon and Garfunkel
2) Take me to your leader, Newsboys
3) August and Everything After, Counting Crows
4) MTV Unplugged in New York, Nirvana
5) What's the Story Morning Glory, Oasis
6) Life in General, MxPx
7) Our newest album ever, Five Iron Frenzy
8) Legend of Chin, Switchfoot
9) Mezzamorphis, delirious
10) Fashion Focus, Starflyer 59
11) Origins of Symmetry, Muse
12) Staring at the Sea, The Cure
13) The Score, Fugees
14) Compilation, Ani Di Franco
15) Lover's Rock, Sade
16) Exodus, Andy Hunter
17) Diamond's on the Inside, Ben Harper
18) Love is Hell, Ryan Adams
19) Control, Pedro the Lion
20) Led Zepellin I, Led Zeppelin
21) Heartbreaker, Ryan Adams
22) Greatest Hits, Queen
23) Ziggy Stardust, David Bowie
24) Trouble, Ray Lamontange
25) Siamese Dream, Smashing Pumpkins
26) You are the Conductor, Caspian
27) Grace, Jeff Buckley
28) Soviet Kitch, Regina Spektor
29) Neon Bible, Arcade Fire
30) White Album, Beatles

-If you are interested, I would divide the eras this way:

Junior High: 1-5
High School and gap year: 6-11
Freshman Year: 12-15
Sophomore: 16-19
Junior: 20-23
Senior (oxford): 24-28
Post college: 29-30

because not everyone sees facebook

25 random things about me

1) Sometimes I play a game where I try to do normal things as if I one of my arms had been blown off in a war. Cooking, cleaning, opening things... they become much more interesting with one arm.

2) So far, Spain is the only country I've lived in where I dont get made fun of for eating so much mayonnaise. French fries, green beans, sandwiches, potatoes... its all better with mayo. Spaniards agree, though I think many other europeans would also stand by my side on this issue.

3) I have odd vocabulary in English. Sometimes people interpret my use of large SAT sounding words as either a sign of pretentiousness or intelligence. Mostly it is because I grew up transliterating words from spanish into english and vice versa. To say that "water is potable" or to talk about "quotidian things" sounds normal to me. It wasnt until I went to College in the US that I realized that I sounded weird.

4) After years, I have begrudgingly come to accept that I like quite a bit of Pop music. I still think most of it is empty and unoriginal. But hey, its catchy. And if I like watching stupid movies sometimes, why cant I listen to the musical equivalent sometimes? Keep on rockin' Justin, keep on rockin.

5) I studied English in college because I like to read and write and am decent at both. But more and more I realize I like books because I like stories. I am a bit indifferent to Literary Criticism, except when they uncover something useful. This worried me for a bit, and led me to the conclusion that I probably should have done History... then I discovered poetry and was glad I stuck with Lit.

6) Growing up, in High School and such, I was quite clique-ish. I have few friends but was very close with them. I didnt particularly care about letting new people in. Then in college it was a complete reversal, as I had a wide array of friends in many opposing social groups. I think I am somewhere in the middle now.

7) I am grossed out by pretty much any insect that is larger than an inch. And terrified by several of them. In fact, if you gave me the option of getting into a glass case filled with mice, or snakes, or eels, or rabid beavers... and then one filled with medium sized moths. I would pick anything but the moths. Oddly enough, I am still fascinated by insects.

8) Clowns should be made illegal. Too many children have been scarred. Stephen King already wrote "It". The damage is done. Pack it up and go home.

9) I am studying vocabulary for the GREs. When reviewing words, I try to associate them with a sentence or a word. Sometimes these mnemonic associations make no real sense. Like, "truculent badger" or "penurious weasel."

10) I hate watching movies with others. I am always too aware of what they are thinking or if they are hating or enjoying the movie. I never end up getting caught up in the movie like if I were by myself. The exception to this rule is if a bunch of the guys and I are watching "guys' movies". Explosions and toilet humor (even better if combined) are better enjoyed in groups.

11) I love to cook. This is a fairly recent discovery, though I suspected as much towards the end of college. There is nothing more relaxing that following cooking instructions, forgetting about everything else and then getting to eat your stresses away.

12) When I was little, my favorite number was 6. I believe Ernie from Sesame Street was to blame, since he sang a song called My Favorite Number is Six. Later on in my childhood, I realized that most horror movies and satanic paraphernalia was full of sixes. I felt bad about liking the number and tried to erase it from my favorites. I never really could though, and felt guilty about this for years.

13) I love living things. Trees, animals, some people... If I were better at math I would have studied some sort of life science: biology, botany, zoology, maybe even medicine. Unfortunately, I get woozy with medical stuff, am allergic to most hairy animals, and suck at math. So its the Arts for me.

14) The streets of Heaven will not be paved with gold. They will be paved with haribo gummy bears. I will be a street cleaner.

15) I was a sensitive child and movies and tv had a strong effect on me. Because of this, I had never seen a horror movie until I turned 18. It was then that I realized that horror movies arent really scary, because my imagination is much worse. After a summer with Dustin Davies, I had watched a bunch of them. I am now addicted to Zombie flicks, and most monster movies in general.

16) I somehow managed to graduate with an English degree without having ever read Milton, Ulysses, or Austen or studying Chaucer.

17) I am terrified and paralyzed when I am expected to do a specific task that I have never done before and have not been trained to do. This is the reason I never went to any formal dances or balls in college. On the flipside, this is why I liked raves and techno. There werent any rules for you to mess up.

18) After my Uncle's family left Spain when I was about 13, I grew up far from family. As a result, I am closer to most of my friends than I am with my family. It has created great friendships, but I never realized that I had missed out on anything until recently when my Aunt started getting my mom's side together for the past few christmases.

19) I'm 25 and still dont have my driver's license. This is mostly due to how much it costs to get one here in spain. Though, really, the only reason I've ever wanted a car was to drive with my music blaring, windows down. Also to take trips to the countryside.

20) Though I live overseas, I've had quite a few people come visit me in Spain: Erin Davidson, Ed Rand, Alex Oldfield, David Garza, Dave Macadam, Emily Sydow, soon Sradda Thapa, Miriam Moser and perhaps I'm forgetting someone. Sometimes the people were in the neighborhood, others they came to see me. Either way, not too shabby for someone who lives 3000 miles away. I hope my life continues with this pattern as I move around.

21) My childhood trumpet teacher was an old gruff man from the Spanish Civil Guard band. He would stomp, curse obscenities at me, and threaten to beat me with a stick if I didnt practice or got things wrong. When I got things right he would stomp, curse obscenities at me, and tell me that he loved me like a son. My mother would sometimes sit in the room next door and enjoy the whole thing.

22) I am a very spiritual person, but I am not as disciplined as I should be in that regard. At the same time, my lack of discipline stems from my fatalist frustration at my own imperfection. I think I really need to learn to accept cosmic love and grace if I ever want to fully evolve spiritually. I am too proud though.

23) When I was a kid, for a few years I liked making a tradition out of sleeping in one of the christmas boxes for a few days. This became impossible as I got older. I am still looking forward to the day I am given a new fridge.

24) To this day, the best job I've ever had is still working as a groundskeeper during a summer at college. You work with your hands, have varied duties, work alone and with people, are outside, see your progress at the end of the day, are out of work by 4. If only...

25) I played "pretend" all the time as a kid. My mom was great about playing along, calling me "Robin Hood" or whoever I was that day. I remember in 4th grade when my friends told me that we were too old to do that anymore. Life got a lot more boring after that.

Kids say the darndest...

- A little girl comes up to me crying, "tell them to stop calling me assassin," as two little boys run after her chanting "assassin" in a sing-song voice. I think that it doesn't matter what you call kids, as long as you chant it in that voice.

-We were reading a story about a troll and a kid pipes up, "not the troll again! he reminds me of my dad: big, ugly, and hairy!"

-The same kid later on piped up when the we were explaining healthy and non healthy foods. The teacher explained that some foods will make you fatter than others, though some people were just naturally shaped a certain way. The boy says "I don't know which one my mom is, but she's huge."

-"I saw it first" said one boy
"I saw it before you" said another
"well I saw it a million years ago, before the dinosaurs"
"well I saw it before the world existed"
"I saw it before God existed!"
This then unleashed a theological conversation trying to figure out the Chronology of God. One kid seemed pretty settled on God coming first, then when he died, zeus came along.

- As we talked about mammals, we asked for examples of mammals that lived in the sea. One kid starts screaming "fock! fock! fock!" I am trying not to die laughing as I finally realize that he is trying to say "foca" which is seal in spanish.

and life moves on, thankfully

It wasnt but a couple weeks ago when I was jobless, homeless and penniless. Time certainly plays a funny game.
As I mentioned weeks ago, I had spent the previous 4 months looking for work, and hadn't found anything. My translation work dried up. And my savings disappeared as I paid off rent, food, and basic living expenses. So in desperation, I moved in with my mom again. This raised another problem though, as I needed to find someone to replace me in the old apartment to replace me.
Last week, it all came together.
I finally found someone to take my place in my apartment, relieving me of all the responsibilities that were still on me. My translation boss/client suddenly called up this week, after 4 months, with all sorts of projects for me to do. And best of all, I have a permanent job, at least up until june.
I have taken up a job as an auxiliary english teacher. About 5 years ago, the Spanish government started setting up bilingual public schools. Not all public schools are bilingual, but a decent number of them are. These schools besides teaching English as a class, they also teach science and art in english. That way, the kids are using english about half of the time that they are in school. Now, I am not fully sure about these methods, but I support the idea behind it. Spain has the lowest foreign language literacy rate in all of europe.
My job is to be in the classroom with the teacher, assisting her in whatever way she may want. Sometimes the teacher wants me to give the whole class, other times I am ignored and I simply go from desk to desk assisting the children one on one. The interesting thing is that I have never taught children before. I have taught adults extensively, as well as worked with adolescents. However, in this school I have been assigned to helping the first grade teachers, which means that I am surrounded by 6 year olds all day.
I have decided that I like the job. Since I am not the actual teacher I am not responsible for keeping the peace in the classroom, nor do I have to deal with parents or lesson planning. Instead I get the fun part of teaching which is dealing with the kids and helping them understand the material. Also, 6 year olds may be hard to herd, but they are cute, so that makes up for a lot.

Windy days

Gale force winds all over spain. Outside, the leaves are swirling around madly. The window shutters rattled all through the night, keeping me in a state of restless sleep once again. My dreams have been as wild as the weather lately. Sure, part of it can be chalked up to the noisy nights I try to sleep through, but my mind has been ill at ease for a while now anyway.
A lot has changed since before christmas. And yet, a lot has stayed the same. I am still jobless. And now I am also penniless. The little money I had in the bank has been devoured by basic living costs like rent and food. Because of this, I have been forced to move back in with my mom. Yeah, I'm now a 25 year old guy living with his mother. Fortunately, it is the traditional spanish thing to do, so I am not as lame as I feel.
And besides, this is all temporary.
I feel a bit like one of those leaves I see outside the window, tossed back and forth, dizzy and disoriented. But I must admit that being caught up in a whirlwind can also give you perspective you didn't have when you were languishing on the ground. The past year has definitely been one of languishing. Mediocre work, very little motivation, even less direction. Not to mention a whole array of external factors that have kept me down. But then, in the past 6 months, I have become restless and the external factors have become wilder. Suddenly I have been able to reevaluate my life and what is important. Like Bob said, "times are a changin'"
The unstable nature of my life has kept me from writing in this blog, with nothing defined, nothing set in stone. But I suppose I can say that at this point, I am pretty set on leaving spain sometime this summer. I am currently looking into various options and opportunities. Nothing definite yet, but options are tentatively there. For those of you who pray, I would appreciate it if you could ask that I would have favor in my endeavors. But yes, there is no work here. And the work that there is isn't the kind that you can build a life on. Work opportunities maybe, career opportunities none. Where to? I am looking at Boston at this point. I loved the city, my time there, my friends there... we will see, we will see...