Friends in language
I have been missing american friends lately. Not specific ones, mind you; but the whole clan. When I visited Alex in London, he asked me if it was difficult not being able to speak english with my friends in spain. The question caught me off guard, because I had never thought of it. But yes, I realized that I did miss being able to speak english. Alex is a perceptive guy, and though I am bilingual, he knows that I am bilingual in different ways. Yes, I am a native english and spanish speaker, but I have learned and used the languages in different contexts. Spanish was the language I grew up speaking with friends, watching television in, hearing on the street. English was the language of my family life and my studies.
What Alex was aiming at was the fact that most of my deep friendships in life have taken place in English. This is also true of my intellectual pursuits. I have always done most of my reading in English as well as my main studies. Because of this, English has become the language of my deeper side, of my emotions and intellect. When I want to bear my soul, I do not feel as efficient nor as earnest when I try to do it in Spanish. This does not mean I am not native in spanish. The nature of being a native speaker still does not determine how you have learned to use that language. In a sense, my Spanish is that of a working class person. I studied in Spanish until I started high school, and that is the level that I think I have remained at, only furthering that language's development in a natural street way. English however, was the language in which I learned to express myself and my thoughts, studying it in high school and then in college. When I want to talk deep I want to do it in english.
It is also my primary emotional language. It is what I have always spoken at home with my family as well as with my closest friends. Saying "I love you" feels more visceral and meaningful than "te quiero". My exposures to Art (be it music, film and books) have usually been english speaking ones so that is what I then give back.
So since that conversation with my british friend I have realized that I do miss the added depth of expression that I think speaking English affords me. While most of my Spanish friendships do not require me to reach out for that depth, there are some that do and I miss it. This week I have hung out with americans quite a bit here and really enjoyed it, prompting these thoughts. Americans simplify relationship in different ways than Spaniards do, throwing out protocol in favor for casual depth, possessiveness for freedom. I made some very good friends in the US and in England, with whom opening up is quite easy for me. I have some really good guy friends from college, like Ed, Alex, Dave, and more. But lately I've been missing my girl friendships the most I think. My friend Erin was here a couple of weeks back. It was really refreshing to hang out with her. I felt the same way about my friends in England. Now I have been missing some others.
What Alex was aiming at was the fact that most of my deep friendships in life have taken place in English. This is also true of my intellectual pursuits. I have always done most of my reading in English as well as my main studies. Because of this, English has become the language of my deeper side, of my emotions and intellect. When I want to bear my soul, I do not feel as efficient nor as earnest when I try to do it in Spanish. This does not mean I am not native in spanish. The nature of being a native speaker still does not determine how you have learned to use that language. In a sense, my Spanish is that of a working class person. I studied in Spanish until I started high school, and that is the level that I think I have remained at, only furthering that language's development in a natural street way. English however, was the language in which I learned to express myself and my thoughts, studying it in high school and then in college. When I want to talk deep I want to do it in english.
It is also my primary emotional language. It is what I have always spoken at home with my family as well as with my closest friends. Saying "I love you" feels more visceral and meaningful than "te quiero". My exposures to Art (be it music, film and books) have usually been english speaking ones so that is what I then give back.
So since that conversation with my british friend I have realized that I do miss the added depth of expression that I think speaking English affords me. While most of my Spanish friendships do not require me to reach out for that depth, there are some that do and I miss it. This week I have hung out with americans quite a bit here and really enjoyed it, prompting these thoughts. Americans simplify relationship in different ways than Spaniards do, throwing out protocol in favor for casual depth, possessiveness for freedom. I made some very good friends in the US and in England, with whom opening up is quite easy for me. I have some really good guy friends from college, like Ed, Alex, Dave, and more. But lately I've been missing my girl friendships the most I think. My friend Erin was here a couple of weeks back. It was really refreshing to hang out with her. I felt the same way about my friends in England. Now I have been missing some others.
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By the by, have you considered DC in your wanderlust?