a letter from mother russia

Its funny how the dumb things you do in college later come back to haunt you later in life. Today I received an email from an unknown sender. The name looked Russian, but I know very few russians, and this wasn't one of them. Now, back in freshman year, the guys from Wood Hall and I somehow ended up looking online for Russian mail order brides. We wanted to "order" one for our friend Ed, but only to realize that they can't be ordered per say. Nonetheless, the whole thing provided an evening of hilarity. However, I must have put my email address in one of the websites somewhere back in the day, because today I received an email from one of the brides to be (my comments in bold):


Hello, my gentleman (I dont get many letters that start like that unfortunately, though I wish she had said "gentleman lover")

I hope that when you receive this letter, you won't close it without signs of attention and interest. (clearly I didnt) I am writing to you in order to suggest you to build love and romantic relations (ah! what a fine suggestion!). You may wonder why such attractive woman like me is still single (the thought doesnt keep me awake at night, but please continue). It is very simple answer at this question: I have not yet met the one who will turn upside down all my life (have you tried anyone at NASA?).
I need such man who will appreciate not only my body, but see the beauty of my inner deep world (its tough to be beautiful, I know). I know that we are not acquinted, but I want to use this chance, because it can't repeat again. So, I am happy to meet you. I am very glad to greet you in my life if you want (greet you in your life?).
You can believe me or not, but i am a woman-fire (!!!)who can make your life more interesting and full of bright impressions. How do you like the idea of mornings' breakfasts in the bed, romantic walks on week ends, happy family evenings after working days? (how do I like the idea of breakfast in bed?? Man, I need to get on this. It sounds like a deal!) As for me I dream about it every day. I am tired to come at lonely home, to cook meal only for one person and to eat at loneliness and to go asleep at loneliness too (doing things "at loneliness" does suck, I admit). I want to come at home and to meet my beloved, to kiss him, to cook him tasteful meal, to feel secured and happy every monrning and every night (it makes sense that she would contact me about all this).
I will close this letter, but it doesn't ordinary letter, (its a magic letter) it is a call to build love and change your life to better and to forget about lonely days. I will wait for letter with hopes in my heart (...and a random email generator at your fingertips apparently)
http://lovemeanyou.com/smiling
Looking forward to get a letter from you

Irisha