What I am doing here

Well, I am back "home". I was quite sad to leave Boston, but whatever, I am back and that is all there is to it.

I guess we all spend our lives trying to figure out just what it is that makes us tick. As I've mentioned before, these early/mid twentiesomethings are not exactly easy. The post-collegiate lifestyle seems to be one of restless leisure, earning enough to pay the bills and hang out with friends, but not really heading anywhere. Or at least that is what I ascertained when I was on the North Shore. Most people seem to be in the same boat. And the boat isnt moving. We are all just waiting to catch a current or gust of wind to take us to our next destination. The problem is that, for most of us, until you know what the next destination is, the wind never seems to come along.
And so we spend these years trying to find what we love, or at least what we can put up with. I see many people deciding whether to pursue a passion or to pursue a professional opportunity that will at least give them good cash. The lucky ones are able to both, but not everyone is.
And so I have been trying to figure out what it is that I love. What do I want to invest myself into? I think I knew the answer all along even though it surprised me when it finally came to me.


This past April I was trying to find a job for this next year. I considered various teaching positions, eventually settling pretty definitively on going to Botswana to teach junior high english in a boarding school there. But then people started asking me questions. It is funny how no one will ever ask you something and then a bunch of people will do so in the span of a couple weeks. Several people asked me "If there is anything that you could do, without regards to time and money, what would it be?" I surprised myself by quickly answering "singing" or "music" without giving it a second thought. Then the question "how is africa going to help you chase that?" to which I had to admit that I didnt really think I was going to pursue music, that it was just wishful thinking.
And then I thought, why the heck is it just wishful thinking? Out of all of last year, the things I enjoyed the most were wednesday nights at the jazz club. And singing with the Gargoyles had rivaled my studies for favorite activity in Oxford. Certainly college choir had been a highlight at gordon for a couple of years as well....
And then my friends randomly starting piping in. Several buddies asked me to sing on their albums or in their projects. Then, on evening, my apartment mates came in and one of them said "Ryan, why the heck dont you do music? We would all love to do it, but really you are the only one here who even has a shot at it. So why not?"
I thought about it for a couple of seconds and said, "OK."
"OK?" my friend said a bit surprised.
"sure" I replied. "I'll do it"
And so started my decision to do music next year or even longer. That is why I am here in madrid right now, because it makes the most sense for this goal right now. But I'll write more on that later....