An Ending: part 2
It was 9 PM and only then was I heading home from work. It was the Thursday on the first week back from Christmas. I had done this for three days in a row, getting home with about half an hour to spend with my wife before finally collapsing into bed and falling asleep. I had arrived at work at 6:45 AM and left for home at 9 PM. A 14 hour work day for three days in a row. There are sweatshops that work their people less.
Being an English teacher is especially challenging because of how long it takes to grade English assignments. It isn't grading multiple choice. There is a lot of reading and writing required on the part of the teacher; even our short answer questions have a higher level of subjectivity in comparison with similar questions in, say, science. What this adds up to is time. Let me break it down for you: Right before break, each of my students had written a page long essay. In terms of grading, this means: 120 students + 10 minutes per essay (yes, it takes that long) = 1200 minutes. That is 20 hours of grading for a single assignment.
Of course, I can't do this during my workday (even though it is a mandatory part of my job), so I have to split it up over the course of several evenings. So, if I grade for 4 hours a day after I finish work, then I might get it done in a week. Of course, this is presupposing that you don't have any other lesson plans to prepare and that you aren't grading any of the other stuff that come up during that week... which is impossible, of course. During the two weeks in which I finally was able to grade their essays, my 7th graders handed 60 "long composition" personal essays, which were several pages long... During weeks like these, I might see my wife for 4-5 hours during the week. My weekends are often gone too, as I have spent countless Saturdays and Sundays sitting in coffee shops for 6 hour grading sessions.
This is one of the reasons that I want, no... need, to change jobs, but not for the reasons you might think. It isn't just that my job has long hours. In another context, I might deal with that much better. Here are some of the problems that come with my all-consuming job:
1) Leisure and guilt: I always have work to take home with me. Always. Any time not spent working is a choice that I have made and it inevitably leads to catch-up work during the times that I am working. This makes me inevitably feel tremendous anxiety and guilt during any time that I am not grading, lesson planning, etc. The same goes for vacations. Most of my breaks are spent working or guilty. Guilt-ridden, anxious, and feeling inadequate. You are bound to feel inadequate when you spend this amount of time on something and still find yourself running behind.
2) Judgment: How many times have I heard teaching referred to as a "cushy job"? I have been sneered at because of my summer breaks and short hours. People have implied, to my face, that teachers are paid too much. Really? My 70-80 work week seems cushy? Oh, my "vacations?" you mean the ones where I wake up in the middle of the night thinking of all the stuff I have to do before school starts again? You mean the summer months spent going to required training sessions, lesson planning, creating curriculum, etc? I think teachers should be making six figures for the amount of time they work, frankly. So having society give you crap while you have spent your whole week trying to teach their children, adds insult to injury.
3) Exhaustion: If I weren't teaching all day, I honestly wouldn't mind marathon grading sessions. I like analyzing writing. But after spending the entire day wrestling with a classroom full of kids, my introvert energy is depleted, so spending another 4 hours grading after the kids leave is more than my body and mind can deal with sometimes. Which leads me to my next point...
4) Hobbies and Passions: People often ask me, "why don't you do music anymore? Why don't you blog anymore? Have you finished your novel yet?" They seem confused and disappointed when my answer is inevitably: "no." Trust me, there is no one more disappointed by all of this is than me. I hoped my passion would be my job, my teaching, bringing literature and depth to my students, but it isn't (see last post), so instead I am left drained and not replenished. Teaching draws from the same creative well as writing and music. After 13 hours of working with people and words, that well is very, very dry.
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