The next step...

This past week I have realized an important fact: I am graduating in June. It is one of those things that I have known but never fully processed until recently. I will be done with college (finally) and will be the proud owner of a fairly useless English degree. So what to do next... that is the real question. One side of me wants nothing more than to return to Spain, for I think that I could easily settle down back into the mode of living there quite easily. Unfortunately, there is nothing for me to do there at this point. I could get my TESL or CELTA certification and teach English to Spaniards, but I do not really want to do that for the rest of my life (neither could I live off that). There are a couple international high schools in Madrid, but they are quite elite and hard to get a job in. Most require at least a masters and a couple of years of prior experience. Fortunately I would like to get a masters anyway, so I will do that. I am taking a year off though because I am not ready for grad school (in other words I have not done my GREs or other grad school entry prerequisites). So next year I will do that.
But where to do that? That is the most pressing issue. There are two possibilities: 1)Spend next fall in Spain preparing for the GREs. 2) Spend next fall back on the north shore for the GREs. I have had people invite me back to both places. Once the GREs are done then the spring is free, which I may use to go to china for 6 months. BUT quite honestly, if I go to either of these places and get settled I may just end up staying all year. Actually, one thing I fear is going back to Spain for a year and then having to leave again for the masters. That would suck. I am tired of saying good byes. On the other hand, if I go to the US and end up staying another 2-3 years I may never leave. I admit that though this was once a horrible idea, I have changed many of my views on the US and it has taken my leaving to realize that I actually like the place. But I also love Spain. I guess my biggest fear isn't living and forming a life somewhere as being stuck somewhere.
Lets be honest for a second. Odds are that I will start heading in the direction of forming a life for myself in the next 5 years and wherever I am during those years will probably influence the whole process quite a bit. I mean, getting a real job, dating someone, forming friendships... all that stuff would add to the chances of me staying somewhere permanently. And if all that happens in the US, odds are I wont live in spain again. Especially with the dating stuff if it gets serious. Lets face it, most people want to live where they are from. They may want to travel a bit, but in the end they want to settle where they are comfortable and have family. That isn't such a problem with Spain, cause I actually think I wouldn't mind living my whole life there, though flexibility would still be great. Then again, I am open to anything and have to admit that I was happy in america. A different kind of happy, but happy. Or I could do as Charles says and go somewhere completely different. I wouldn't be adverse to that idea.
I dunno... I guess it all depends on what I want to do with my life, which I don't know yet either. I am intersted in being a high school teacher. Several people have told me that they can see me doing that... I am not sure yet, but I am heading in that direction. I don't particularly want to do an Education Masters though. I would much rather do an English one. But English takes longer and doesn't give you the niceties of the Ed. Masters (such as the teaching experience and help with the teaching certification). I have seen some tasty looking masters programs that offer an English for Teachers masters but I haven't seen that offered in Massachusetts. Argh...
Decisions decisions...

Comments

Anonymous said…
You're right, odds are you will end up settling down wherever you are within the next few years. BUT... all odds fly out the window when you are a TCK. You just have to find a chick that wants to travel. Then you can spend the rest of your life WONDERING where you will go next, never truly settling down.

There are great blessings to growing up overseas, but one of the curses is growing up without a sense of permanence. Not fully being able to call anywhere home and being TERRIFIED of settling down.

Normal people settle down. I don't think Ryan Jacob has ever been described as normal. So you are in luck. You don't really need to settle down if you don't want. Granted, you have to have some stability to accomplish your goals, but you don't have to get stuck anywhere if you don't want. Go for your dreams. And get off your lazy butt and go to China!! (don't just sit in the US or Spain)
12/1/06 08:47
Anonymous said…
Oh, Ryan. I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. Meaning the latter part of the entry. I, too, am concerned about which part of the world to make my life in. I have tentative plans to travel to s. america for a while until i decide it's time for grad school. However, what if there ends up being some guy here in the northeast of the us holding me back? Is it a good idea to only date men who are willing to travel with me? Because once in a relationship it's hard to believe your dream of traveling to chile is so important at the time... I too have a great fear of getting stuck somewhere I hate. For instance, the suburbs of some part of the northeast that I hate. The suburbs depress me. cold weather too. I have so many ganas de ir a otros lugares, improve my spanish, see the world, etc etc.
I even have this panicky feeling when I realize I've been living in the states for seven years now. It's like, oh mi god, I'm becoming exactly like everyone else, I need to leave before I become an american... But that feeling comes and goes. I guess I just want to know that wherever I end up living I will be happy. I know if I didn't go away for a few years or for long term, I would regret it forever and wonder what it would have been like to make my life in latin america, or india, or cualquier lugar.
12/1/06 20:15
Anonymous said…
ps, I agree with the former person that mk's are terrified of settling down. I think we will always wonder what it would have been like had we been here, there. etc.
12/1/06 20:16
Anonymous said…
in the words of Andrew Brown..."you stupid!" I just thought I would throw that in there. I have no suggestions whatsoever to your dillemma other than to do what will enhance your productivity wherever you go, that will lead to the fullest.
13/1/06 10:44
Anonymous said…
Hey! Although I read your blog assiduously I never reply to your posts ... so here's the first.
I don't think the decissions you're going to make in the next few months are going to determine your long-term future ie. because you decide to come back to Spain next year doesn't mean you'll end up marrying a spaniard and that's the end of it ... I mean common! we're only 22 years old, I'm sure there's going to be a lot of travelling, hellos and goodbyes before we finally decide to settle down.
I've also spent the last five years travelling from Ireland to Spain and viceversa never really spending enough time in either country to settle down... I find it really unstable, and when I'm there I want to spend the rest of my life there and when I'm in Madrid I could live here forever ... and I don't know what to do ... maybe start anew in a whole different country??. I don't know ... take one day at a time and doors will just open as you go (hopefully!).
13/1/06 12:56
Anonymous said…
Puede que todo eso de los títulos en realidad no sean más que excusas que te pones a tí mismo para hacer algo anormal, algo que de algún modo rompería lo que los demás esperan de tí, pero que al fín y al cabo sabes que de algún modo te gustaría.
26/1/06 16:10
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