Relaxing Saturday

The day has been unusually warm, or perhaps the rest of the summer has just been strangely cool in comparison. Of course, from the inside of my air conditioned retreat the weather always seems the same. Perhaps the sterility of the environment has been partly to blame for the feeling of numbness I have been having. I have not really been depressed, just tired. My soul has been uttering a constant sigh of resignation for the past 5 days. With nothing to make me feel like I have a mission to being here (last summer I had my RA job to look forward to), I have been haunted by the lack of ghosts. There have been no invisible voices telling me what to do or why I am to do it; just silent meaninglessness to my being here.



Today helped me a bit. It is interesting how much people can help you. From what I have seen, there are many people around me feeling the same disjointed sensation I am also experiencing. Matt Austin put it this way "I feel like I want to be somewhere else, but I dont know where." I also resonate quite strongly with that sentiment. However, I think after spending a day with some old friends I feel quite a bit better. I finally saw my friend Mindy, who was my boss last year. It was very nice to see her. Then I went over to see Rachel, who was on the on duty RA in her dorm, and we watched some typical action movie. Then I hung out with my old Evans crew for a bit. They are great people and it was awesome to hang out with them again. We went out and smoked the hookah and just chilled. Before that they came over to the apartment for a while. It was nice to talk and not really have any expectations for the evening.



There is something special about seeing someone and knowing without a shadow of a doubt that the other person is very happy to see you. It is something that does not happen that often actually, but when it does and you see that you matter to someone, it is powerful. I am the kind of person that always wonders if people really like me, even those friends with whom I spend much of my time. So when I see true, honest love reflected in a friends eyes, it means a lot.

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