Stream of Consciousness in Cadiz
It is dark out. The moon is hiding somewhere tonight. I am sitting on some rocks looking down a long strip of beach in Cadiz. A single row of tall bright halogen lamps shines onto the sand. It is windy. The wind picks up the spray from the waves and blows it towards the land in forming a thin curtain of fog. The mist catches the light from the lamps, making the beach look somewhat ethereal as it reaches, glowing slightly, into the distant horizon. It is a weird highway, too sandy to be spooky, extending towards some spiritual world. I am at one end of the beach, which makes me wonder out loud, "am I at the beginning or the end of that highway?"
As the question leaves my mouth, I realize how stupid a question it is. It seemed profound at first, but it proved to be absurd. Quite a lot of what I say is silly. So many of my desires are just as silly when viewed within the proper context. Our human point of view is so limited. We have no true concept of eternity. I spend so much time asking God for guidance and vision; thinking, "If God would just show me what I am supposed to be doing in 10 years, then I could start working towards that goal." However, I am simultaneously praying, "Give me more trust in you;" the first prayer seems to contradict the second. It is easy to trust when you know where you are going; blind trust is much deeper.
How wise God is when he does not tell me what is going on. I am then forced to go to him every day; without any other option but to clutch onto his hand amongst my stormy confusion. Little by little, I am learning to like his big hand, and realizing that he doesn’t mind holding on to me, despite my nervous sweaty palms encased in his own. If God was to give me the 10 year guidance plan I ask for, then I would be so eager to find my own way to reach my destiny that I would run off and forget all about him. Though it may be uncomfortable, I am better off being dragged through the sand by God’s strong arm.
It is now 1 in the morning. The wind is getting a bit chilly, and the tide is almost up. Waves run towards the shore; impatient, like workers eager to finish their shift and go home. I suppose if the waves are ready for rest, then I should head off bed as well. The hotels are full. Hopefully the sand has saved up some of the sun’s warmth to keep me from getting cold tonight.
As the question leaves my mouth, I realize how stupid a question it is. It seemed profound at first, but it proved to be absurd. Quite a lot of what I say is silly. So many of my desires are just as silly when viewed within the proper context. Our human point of view is so limited. We have no true concept of eternity. I spend so much time asking God for guidance and vision; thinking, "If God would just show me what I am supposed to be doing in 10 years, then I could start working towards that goal." However, I am simultaneously praying, "Give me more trust in you;" the first prayer seems to contradict the second. It is easy to trust when you know where you are going; blind trust is much deeper.
How wise God is when he does not tell me what is going on. I am then forced to go to him every day; without any other option but to clutch onto his hand amongst my stormy confusion. Little by little, I am learning to like his big hand, and realizing that he doesn’t mind holding on to me, despite my nervous sweaty palms encased in his own. If God was to give me the 10 year guidance plan I ask for, then I would be so eager to find my own way to reach my destiny that I would run off and forget all about him. Though it may be uncomfortable, I am better off being dragged through the sand by God’s strong arm.
It is now 1 in the morning. The wind is getting a bit chilly, and the tide is almost up. Waves run towards the shore; impatient, like workers eager to finish their shift and go home. I suppose if the waves are ready for rest, then I should head off bed as well. The hotels are full. Hopefully the sand has saved up some of the sun’s warmth to keep me from getting cold tonight.
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