Personnel Review part 2
More things I am learning...
2) Bold Contentment
I have always been one that has lived a restless and unsatisfied existence. I am slowly learning how to retain my restlessness and get rid of my discontentment. It is hard to say exactly how, but slowly it is getting easier. One of the biggest things I have realized is that I am both at home everywhere and nowhere, therefore where I am really doesn't make as much difference as I first thought. Before I left gordon I was sure that coming back to Spain was the solution to the questions about my own identity and destiny. But the more I live and see the world I realize that I am equally unsatisfied in Spain as in Boston as in Oxford. Actually, perhaps I was more at home in Oxford than in either of the other places because I was fully a foreigner and not a quasi citizen. In a way, my place in the world is more defined than in either of my "home countries." This discovery has been quite liberating. To know that you will never be fully satisfied by a place is to know that you do not have to worry about finding the ideal place. It also means I do not feel tied to any particular place besides of what it can provide for my life or I can provide for it and those who live there. Strangely, this does not make me want to settle down yet. Coupled with my restless curiosity it almost makes me want to wander even more, but it also opens me up to the possibility of staying anywhere as well.
In other words, while "the world is my oyster" in a way, I am learning to find my contentment within instead of without. This is the hard part; to find satisfaction in the small things, in the development of my soul, my intellect, my "self". To learn the real meaning of what it is to love. The depths of Joy and Grace and Compassion. These are the sort of things that I am learning to take refuge in. But in many ways these are harder things to pin down than moving to a different country. I still do not know myself very well. I do not know my real desires for life. But I am trying to figure out how to hold on to the good stuff without strangling it.
2) Bold Contentment
I have always been one that has lived a restless and unsatisfied existence. I am slowly learning how to retain my restlessness and get rid of my discontentment. It is hard to say exactly how, but slowly it is getting easier. One of the biggest things I have realized is that I am both at home everywhere and nowhere, therefore where I am really doesn't make as much difference as I first thought. Before I left gordon I was sure that coming back to Spain was the solution to the questions about my own identity and destiny. But the more I live and see the world I realize that I am equally unsatisfied in Spain as in Boston as in Oxford. Actually, perhaps I was more at home in Oxford than in either of the other places because I was fully a foreigner and not a quasi citizen. In a way, my place in the world is more defined than in either of my "home countries." This discovery has been quite liberating. To know that you will never be fully satisfied by a place is to know that you do not have to worry about finding the ideal place. It also means I do not feel tied to any particular place besides of what it can provide for my life or I can provide for it and those who live there. Strangely, this does not make me want to settle down yet. Coupled with my restless curiosity it almost makes me want to wander even more, but it also opens me up to the possibility of staying anywhere as well.
In other words, while "the world is my oyster" in a way, I am learning to find my contentment within instead of without. This is the hard part; to find satisfaction in the small things, in the development of my soul, my intellect, my "self". To learn the real meaning of what it is to love. The depths of Joy and Grace and Compassion. These are the sort of things that I am learning to take refuge in. But in many ways these are harder things to pin down than moving to a different country. I still do not know myself very well. I do not know my real desires for life. But I am trying to figure out how to hold on to the good stuff without strangling it.
Comments
Also, I know what you mean about finding joy in Life (the little things). That is one reason I love haiku so much, because it draws my attention to the small things in life that are so important.