Nonsense, Drivel, and Balderdash

OK, so here is the deal. My favorite soft drink is Orange Fanta (followed by Dr. Pepper). So I was overjoyed when I heard that it was coming to the United States. Before I had even been here for 3 days I went out and bought one. What did I find out? This fanta is just another orange drink posing as a Fanta. Thats right. An impostor. Fanta in Spain (and all of Europe as far as I know) has 6% juice. This does not. The taste is noticebly different. I feel cheated.

The day has been unusually warm, or perhaps the rest of the summer has just been strangely cool in comparison. Of course, from the inside of my air conditioned retreat the weather always seems the same. Perhaps the sterility of the environment has been partly to blame for the feeling of numbness I have been having. I have not really been depressed, just tired. My soul has been uttering a constant sigh of resignation for the past 5 days. With nothing to make me feel like I have a mission to being here (last summer I had my RA job to look forward to), I have been haunted by the lack of ghosts. There have been no invisible voices telling me what to do or why I am to do it; just silent meaninglessness to my being here. Today helped me a bit. It is interesting how much people can help you. From what I have seen, there are many people around me feeling the same disjointed sensation I am also experiencing. Matt Austin put it this way " I feel like I want to be somewhere else, but I dont ...

I am back at school. I am less than excited to be here, but I don’t have any other option really. I have to finish school. Unfortunately (in some ways) my major is English, which limits the possibilities for its completion to a handful of countries. I mean, I suppose I COULD take English at the Universidad de Alcala, in Madrid, but that would be pretty stupid. So there are about 5-7 places in the world where English is the first language and I could get a decent education studying it. Arghh... if I was studying politics I could really study it anywhere... Either way... I am back, and I am trying to make the best of it. I am not living in underclassmen dorms anymore. I am now living in an apartment building full of seniors and the like. It is a very different atmosphere than the wild communal feeling of the freshmen living space. On the other hand, I have air conditioning and cable, which is nice. I also make my own meals in my kitchen which so far has been much better than the cafeteri...

I am back at school. I am less than excited to be here, but I don’t have any other option really. I have to finish school. Unfortunately (in some ways) my major is English, which limits the possibilities for its completion to a handful of countries. I mean, I suppose I COULD take English at the Universidad de Alcala, in Madrid, but that would be pretty stupid. So there are about 5-7 places in the world where English is the first language and I could get a decent education studying it. Arghh... if I was studying politics I could really study it anywhere... Either way... I am back, and I am trying to make the best of it. I am not living in underclassmen dorms anymore. I am now living in an apartment building full of seniors and the like. It is a very different atmosphere than the wild communal feeling of the freshmen living space. On the other hand, I have air conditioning and cable, which is nice. I also make my own meals in my kitchen which so far has been much better than the cafeteri...

Well my friends, I am four days away from being back at Gordon. Am I having a freak out crisis? You bet your pants I am. I am not really looking forward to going back to the good ol' GC. Dont get me wrong. I know that I am supposed to go back. My time is not yet up at Gordon. But every day I feel less obligated to go back. Maybe its because some of my best friends are not going to be there anymore. Or because the questions "who am I?" and "where am I going?" have been eclipsed by the mind blowing question "who is God?" I cannot say for sure why my education seems like a waste of time... but who knows. You must remember that it is four days until I leave and my emotional switch is turned on the highest setting. I have many reasons to want to return as well. I will have a snazzy apartment with cool people. I still have plenty of good friends awaiting my return. I love English and literature (though the quality of writing you find on this blog will not ev...

It is dark out. The moon is hiding somewhere tonight. I am sitting on some rocks looking down a long strip of beach in Cadiz. A single row of tall bright halogen lamps shines onto the sand. It is windy. The wind picks up the spray from the waves and blows it towards the land in forming a thin curtain of fog. The mist catches the light from the lamps, making the beach look somewhat ethereal as it reaches, glowing slightly, into the distant horizon. It is a weird highway, too sandy to be spooky, extending towards some spiritual world. I am at one end of the beach, which makes me wonder out loud, "am I at the beginning or the end of that highway?" As the question leaves my mouth, I realize how stupid a question it is. It seemed profound at first, but it proved to be absurd. Quite a lot of what I say is silly. So many of my desires are just as silly when viewed within the proper context. Our human point of view is so limited. We have no true concept of eternity. I spend so much ...

I just returned from Barcelona. It was a great time. I intended to stay for 3-4 days and ended up staying 12. Kenny was in the middle of leading a 24-7 prayer missions team there and I went thinking that I would just trail him around a bit and then leave when I got bored. Little did I know that I would enjoy my time there so much, neither did I expect David to be as entertained as he ended up being. In part I enjoyed trailing kenny around, but I suspect that if that was all I had done I would have indeed left after a mere couple of days. However, Kenny's team was in a sort of disarray based on exhaustion and a lack of enthusiasm and vision. So I ended up being put to work or putting myself to work with odds and ends that needed to be done (such as cooking, or helping with the cleaning, etc). This led me to want to stay even longer, because every time I did something I ended up working with someone I did not know very well. Of course, that meant that then I actually met them and lik...

I have returned from my quite short walking trip. Me and david did about 100 Km. At night we stayed in little spanish towns about the size of... I dunno... somthing small. Many of the towns were very old; filled with castles and cathedrals and tiny winding streets. The sun would beat down on the castillian plain with intensity, and a heavy backpack also added to the fatigue. However, it was well worth it and I would have continued if I could have. In fact I was. We were going to do another 100 K, but I really wanted to spend a couple days in the Santo Domingo de Silos monastery. So the mexican and I decided that he should keep walking (it turned out that once he had gotten into the walk, he liked it) and meet me in madrid in 4 or 5 days. Meanwhile I was going to take a bus to the monastery and stay for a while. I was a little far from the city that I had to catch the bus from, so I hitch-hiked there. Yes it was fun. I had never done that before. I was picked up by two metal heads t...

I am supposed to be hiking right now. Yes that is right. The "epic" journey that I was planning turned sour and lukewarm in our (David and I) mouths and we spit it out. Well actually, I was having fun. But David wasnt. He thought taht the idea of walking from one place to another and finding our own way to get there, was kind of... well, dumb. Yes, I know. I was shocked too. But you know, I said "thats ok, we can do something else. But I still want to walk or hike or something" (I am a flexible INFP remember?). So the fact taht he didnt want to do it, coupled with the fact that our backpacks were about 20 pounds too heavy, caused us to turn back and head to Madrid, after only 2 days of adventuring. Yes, tragic but not fatal. So we came home and took off the next day to the mountains by madrid. We walked the "siete picos,", then we headed straight down the other side ignoring trails and picking our own way accross the countryside. After walking around s...

I went for a nocturnal dip in the waters of my community pool the other day. Me and David snuck over there and went for a swim. It was a good time. It brought back such clear memories of the past that I was in silent awe for a little bit. I sat by the edge of the pool and let myself be completely soaked by the waves of nostalgia. I have been going to the pool at night since I was a kid. At first I would sneak out and feel very sly, for I was going to the pool when I should not have. Then as I became older, I didn't have to sneak around, but I still had to keep relatively quiet. The neighbors were not sympathetic to our little nocturnal outings. At first, they were just worried that we would be hurt at night, and that no one would be there to help us. Later on in life they were just annoyed that: 1) We were making noise 2) We were having more fun than they were. The other night's swim brought back three different sets of memories in particular. I remembered when my Kings Kids fr...

Some of you might remember that I have always complained that my back hurt. A couple of you migh even remember me hurting severly on occasion. Well, last year I went to the incompetent school doctor at Gordon, and he sent me to get physical therapy for... who knows what. They sure didn´t say scoliosis. Because guess what? That is what I have. Fortunately, it is not an extreme case, but hey, it is still there. Scoliosis is a curvature of the spine, which means that your back isnt straight and that you are de-evolving into a homo erectus. Not really de evolving, but the spine does have a curvature in it, and that is not cool. So now I have to get Physical Therapy AGAIN, but at least it is for the right thing now... So instead of saying "Ryan you are a wimpy moron" everyone will now say "Ryan you are a moron." Today I am going to get my teeth looked at, because I think I need to get my wisdom teeth ripped out of my skull. This is VERY fun, I have tried it before. I ha...

Have you ever thought that you might be in the wrong place and with the wrong people? As much as this sounds like the introduction to some angsty post about not fitting in, I don't intend it to be. I just find it fascinating that of all the people that I could have been, I am the one that I am today. If I had been born to different people, or to the same people in a different place... everything would be different. There are a million different lifestyle opportunities around the world; being the person that I am has limited me to only a few. If I had been born on the coast, perhaps I would have become a fisherman. What if I, born as I really am, was truly made to fish though? What if the way for me to find greatest fulfillment for my life is something to which I will never have access; or, because of ignorance or lack of interest, will never try. Or even more frustratingly, what if I would not only find fulfillment in something I will never be able to do.. what if I would also exce...

During the past weeks, the Guardian newspaper has been posting articles about the possibility of a new US draft. The last US draft took place during the Vietnam war. I remember at the start of the conflict in Iraq, naysayers were predicting another Vietnam-like fiasco. I was right up there with them, saying that the US was bound to fail. Not only was I saying that the war was wrong, but I have always said that it was straight out immoral. It does not adjust to the just war guidelines pointed out by Augustine, and therefore (to me at least) it is wrong. The United States government has overstepped their boundaries and created more instability in the Middle East. Iraq is in danger of a civil war which is only being slowed by the rampant anarchy in place. Innocents are being killed, and NO weapons of mass destruction have been found to prove that Iraq had any plans to attack the USA. The whole war is a fraud. So now, of course, I am very disturbed by the mention of a draft. I remember r...

Well, life is VERY good for the next couple of weeks. The EuroCup is in motion, and that means I get constant entertainment. The eurocup is like the world cup, except only European countries participate. This year it takes place in Portugal, Spain's neighbor to the west. Spain played against Russia yesterday and won (of course). The score was 1-0, Valerón scored. I went over to Kenny's house to watch it. He lives in the typical squalor that is a bachelor's pad. No, actually his house is quite nice. We picked up some pizzas, chips, soda, chip salsa, and a six pack of beer. It was fun, especially since we won. Either way, soccer is a beautiful thing. It is interesting to watch the different playing styles of each country. England for example, plays a lot of long ball (long accurate passes), where as the Spanish style is more one on one. They both have their beauty. Northern Europeans play very hard regimented football, with few frills. Where as the people of the Mediterranea...

Excuse the lack of updates. I feel like I have asked for clemency quite a bit these days, but then again, maybe I have just been feeling guilty for not writing. At least two or three people have commented on my blog, and both times the feedback was positive, so I must continue to write for those who DO read this blog. If you do come by, leave a message and say hi! It forces me to write when I am not "inspired." Anyway; on monday, me and David (my friend from Gordon that is hanging out with me for the summer) went to visit an old high school friend whose name is also David (we will call him Jimmy so that there is no confusions of Davids in this post). He lives about 3.5 hours north of madrid in a small town of 20,000 in the middle of the spanish plains. I guess I should start this story a little farther back. On friday I went to my old high school to attend the senior graduation. The graduating class this year was the freshman class during my senior year. Seeing that my high s...

I must say, yesterday I was very stressed. I was tired from working, my boss was stressed; my bus home got stuck in traffic and I was distracted and missed my stop (which forced me to walk back for 20 minutes). The perfect cure for this is, of course, the movies. More aptly, going to see a no brainer action flick. Usually I will never go see an action movie at the theatre, but I felt like special effects and surround sound. Also, it is much cheaper to go watch a movie in Spain. So I got home and told David that I wanted to see a movie. We jumped in the car and headed off to the local mall. I told him that I didn't want something heady and I just wanted to relax. I told him that I felt like watching "The Day After Tomorrow." He was skeptical, and personally, I didn't blame him. Roland Emmerich isn't particularly famous for his quality films. Independence Day and Godzilla can prove that. However, Independence Day WAS entertaining when I saw it in the movie theatre ...

I cannot believe I have been here a week. In some senses it feels as if I never left; in others I feel like I dont belong here anymore. Either way, it is good to be back. It has been raining like crazy all week, ruining some of the royal wedding plans... The prince was married on Saturday. It was a very big deal, and all of madrid was primping for the event. A lot of useless protocol and stuff. It was still pretty cool though, downtown, where I work (I work 3 blocks from the royal palace) all the streets were shut down and 1500 security people were around securing the area for the prince. Twenty helicopters circled the city, and 200 snipers were on rooftops. It was INSANE. I was tempted to pay some unsuspecting tourist to walk up to the palace with a suspicious package and a turban. Instead I just served beer. Boring. I am trying to find David a job..... I think that subconsciously he doesnt wish to work, because he doesnt make a giant effort to seek for one; not that I blame him thoug...

Today was my first day of full work. I am currently working at a Bar in downtown madrid, between "el botín" and the plaza mayor. It is technically a Belgian bar, which basically means it still has mostly spanish "tapas" but only Belgian beer, go figure. But it has a LOT of beers; 50 different kinds to be exact. In the US I have never seen a bar with over 10 brands, in fact I have seen very few bars in spain with that many brands, but it is a bit more common. It is hard to keep track of all the different kinds. The bar is visited by several belgians or dutch patrons every day, and they DO know which kind they want. However, their accent and pronounciation is sometimes hard to pick up. In many ways it is easier when they know what they want. The worst is when they ask me for a recommendation, because obviously I have barely tasted any of them, and have a hard time remembering which is which anyways. Anyway, it will take me a while to taste them all, but I am willing t...

While I was on a plane bound for sunny spain, (Wow, that rhymes, I think I should be a poet) I came to some conclusions about flight travel. Some of you may think that the whole travel/airplane thing is fun. Well it is... but only for about two hours (or till you are done with the first in-flight movie). You start out excited about traveling, but that sentiment quickly changes into angst. Fortunately I was flying on a Boeing 777, which is by far the nicest aircraft to fly the skies. I had my own television with a plethora of movie choices. This is both a blessing and a curse. It is great on the way back from Spain, because you are supposed to stay awake to counteract the jet lag once you arrive. However, when you are flying east, it is far better to sleep on the flight. Unfortunately, I am in a sticky situation when the movies are before me... Yes, yes. I know. Just take a sleeping pill and slumber away. It sounds great in theory, but in practice it works very differently. First, you ...

It is my last night in Evans Hall. It has treated me well. It has been a good year all in all. Many of my close friends sort of raise an eyebrow at me when I say that, knowing all that I have gone through during the past semesters. And yet, though I have my complaints and questions, life is not bad. I just read a post that Charles, one of my best friends, put in his blog. He described the things he missed about Spain and didnt understand in his life. I resonate with you my friend. Many times I wonder why I am here, when I love another place so much more. Fortunately I have made good friends here. But still, it makes you wonder... I wish I lived closer to you man. I really do. It stinks to live so far from those that you really care about. On top of it all, one of my best friends from Gordon (if not my best) is transferring next semester so she will be gone. Weird... why are so many of my good friends far away. Oh well, I must continue to develop friendships around here to complement (n...